It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
