well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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