Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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