My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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