Yo dont text me then not text me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
