Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Someone came in the potted fern
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
