I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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