I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
