My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
