the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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