areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
