yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
