im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
