i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
