On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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