Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
