You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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