so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
