i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We just shotgunned beers for America
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
