If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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