Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
