shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
