Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
