I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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