I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
