I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
