I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
