Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
