Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
