well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
