i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
