He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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