Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize