i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
