Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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