I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
