I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she smelled like a LAN party
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
God I need to hump something, right now.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
