I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
