the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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