i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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