So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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