So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
