I'm going to jail i love you
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
