Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
