$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
