Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
