i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
