RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have post one night stand depression
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