I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
