i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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