I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
