you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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