drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
