you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
