I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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