She is in my trunk
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
