I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
