That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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