How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
