You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
