You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
