The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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