If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
