No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize