So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
