me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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