Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
worst night to have a conscience
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
