This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
