Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
