If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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