If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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