come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
