I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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