Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
