I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
