just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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