no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
